Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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