Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
