at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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