thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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