im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
