there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
