Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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