It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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