I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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