oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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