Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize