THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize