I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
