just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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