My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
