My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
