What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
