My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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