Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
