I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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