Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am one with the molecules
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
