im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
sarcasm needs its own font
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize