the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Who died my cat blue again?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
