we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
