Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
