I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
