tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
