Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
