Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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