Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
and you fell through a lawn chair
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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