we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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