haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
