Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
