So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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