I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
