I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
