I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
