Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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