I feel great
I just peed on a car
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize