You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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