Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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