just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
