im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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