Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize