He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
