She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize