Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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