some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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