You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
