Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Four minutes until I can fart!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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