your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
