i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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