That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
