i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize