She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
