mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
