you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
