just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
try to milk me bitch
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
