if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
