We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
