the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
