Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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