Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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