new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Green mimosas i think yes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
