I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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