Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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