It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
