I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
