i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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